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Pastor Kok III: Sacramento/San Francisco: Homosexuality is a Sin !

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 18:44:33 GMT

Sunday, September 3, 2006

Pastor Kok III's Sunday Message:

Sacramento

Golden Gate Bridge,

San Francisco

Today's Message Begins with My Blog,

followed by the Sunday Service

Sacramento/San Francisco Blog

August 30 to September 3, 2006

Please note: I include “local color” in the blog—meaning I write what I see as I pass by.This does not mean I endorse it or condone it. It’s just a way of showing the “local color”—realism. In fact, I do not endorse homosexuality or sexual licentiousness; but when I see something I see something. I don’t gloss over it.

Passing by Pyramid Lake, Visitors Center-1038 am. Five freeway towards Sacramento. Smoky Bear Road. Approaching Hungry Valley. See a lot of scorched land alongside the freeway. Major fire here at some point recently, no vegetation remains. No grass, no trees, no bushes, just black and brown Hungry valley exit closed, painting lines on exit and entrance, needed a break. Got gas for $2.85. Fort Tejon State Historical park at 11;11 a.m. Exit Fort Tejon. Tejon Fields.

Ready to go Memorial Day DVD to Dorothy Direct Bank Specialist at Huntington Bank , to Rick Mele at the County Assessors Office, and to Bruce Goodman Attorney at Varnum , from Lebec alongside the 5 freeway. 1125 am. Fort Tejon was the end of the camel trail from San Antonio Texas, they used 77 camels to transport military supplies. Beauty of these hills as you leave LA –picturesque. [see

Fort Tejon http://www.forttejon.org/ ]

Got off Murray Family Farms exit—fruit stand but nothing that great, also fudge. 1202 pm. Mary Beth was the name of Andy’s girlfriend in Bellflower. Picked up a Subway Sandwich around 1240 –turkey and ham—gas cheap at $2.87 now passing Kern Wildlife Refuge Turnoff. Still heading on the 5 north. Picked up sub . now pssing Los Hills Paso Robles exit. Entering Kings County 112 pm. Lots of scorched land as I drive north, in the median as well, blackened spots. Rest area at 144 pm. Leaving rest area. 146 pm.

Lots of scorched land—mile after mile. Pea Soup Andersons—a great stopping place along freeway 5. They have free bread & cheese and clean restrooms. And they are famous for their Pea Soup which I’ve ordered to go a few times but not today. I don’t find it to be all that great to be honest. 330 pm leaving Pea Soup Andersons [see http://www.psamgmtco.com/restaurant/html/psoup.html

and http://mysite.verizon.net/ressnm4z/id5.html ]

Got gas at the Pilot for $2.95 gallon. A few pictures, let Lola walk. 341 pm 99 miles to San Francisco. To Scott Vanderwell in Ann Arbor “give chance at redemption..’just ask nicely” . that’s at 353 pm. .. ride along river, 5 freeway north. Response to John Steigenga who wrote in subject line “please note” .. to John I reminded him of the Peters family at LaGrave CRC. And to Raymond Blacketer in Cutlerville Mi—pasteor there.. 2000 young pastor. Stopped at Cesar Chavez Park ..first stop in Sacramento 559 pm at I and 10^th st. Gold Rush Days are September 1 to 4 here [

See http://www.sacramentolifestyle.com/Gold_Rush/Gold_Rush.html

http://www.calgoldrush.com/ http://www.gotouring.com/razzledazzle/articles/oldsac.html ]

Response from Emily—the model in Santa Monica GRCh 1972 She’s an Eagle/Knight! Leaving the capitol building over to Old Sacramento [see http://www.oldsacramento.com/ . ] Old Town O’Gradys old Time Photos. Too Grand Saloon. (continued below)

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 18:41:36 GMT

(continued from previous)

California military museum, City Café, getting ready for Gold Rush Days, Steamers, Indo Café, Centra Pacific Railroad Depot, Gallery of American West closed, River City Tattoo, Round Table Pizza, 730 pm. , Rocky Mt Chocolate Factory, Leather Factory, Capitol Ink, Tatoo & Body Piercing, Old Sac Candy Barrel, Visitors Center, Man on horse—the Pony Express. Tents set up for Gold Rush Days . Railroad Museum, also Greek Festival. Sacramento Convention Center, Sacramento Memorial Auditorium...

Tour of the Capitol Building: [see

http://capitolmuseum.ca.gov/english/index.html ]

Partial Transcript: " early 1900’s.. couple of things. Victorian era early 1900’s they’ve been working for 22 hours straight, , they are sleep deprived. But could make for some interesting things. ..were going to start with the senate..built between 1860(?) and 1874

Make it look like it did in the early 1900’s… either one of these windows.. as well .. as .. very helpful used to be . had stacks of paper this big around their desk, bill their working on, letters from constituents, now it’s all in pdf format, shoot of e-mail, in senate .. they can have their e-mail privileges revoked—see how easy it is to see what is on their screens.. is that a truck, looking at ebay..

electronically.. don’t want to confuse our legislators..green yes, red no.. 80 in the assembly, 40 in the senate, don’t know if we’ll get a chance to go in there, it’s smaller and it’s red. They don’t vote electronically in there, they do it by roll call. Here 40,000 each, they represent about 1,000,000, controversy about re-districting, an amendment here ended up dying. One of the most powerful offices, speaker of the assembly –runs this room like a teacher in the classroom, the seats are assigned by the speaker of the assembly.

To leave the room they have to ask for permission. They have to have a hall pass, if absent, They need note to be absent. … and he can hold them in detention. Rule here all have to vote—not always enforced, sometimes—it’s called a “lockdown” .. sleeping on the floor, once somebody escaped.

I don’t want to bother these folks any more.. I think she’s.. probably in his office, getting ready.. .. .. governors office, nothing left, no old.. that is about the biggest back stab you can give somebody.. lended up during the Japanese restitution.. [she mentioned the governor who went on to become a Supreme Court Justice—Warren—he was in favor of Japanese internment but later said it was the biggest mistake of his life]

Painted by Nathan Matthews—depicts California history, the native American era .. development of California.. over there is ..time machine and then go back to ancient Venice.. towers..nothing really. Who is the statute of here? Mini-Columbus.

Did you see the Columbus up stairs? In the rotunda? Any other questions. Senate—always open if they are in session..these people are public servants. They work for us. You will have to turn in your camera. When in there, quiet. You can’t lean over the side. No feeding the legislators [ha ha] . 3^rd floor. [the doors aren’t open yet]

There is one person in California who has to get permission before he can go in.. do you know who that is? The Governor [I said]. Who? The governor. Yup. There was one governor who went in without being invited and was immediately kicked out. Look at the portraits—can you tell who it might have been? Jerry Brown. .. yup. Ronald Reagan had just built a .. but Jerry Brown said no—and lived in a small apartment. Drove his old Buick. ..

He refused to have his picture taken? No. these are paintings. these are all paintings? Wow.. yeah they are acrylic /oil… what are they doing out there? I know its not an anti-war protest. It’s economic recovery. Where’s Ronald Reagan –in front of what building? The Capitol. Duekmejin—inside the Capitol. Grey Davis near the Capitol ?NO—near Pt Lomo (?) you want to know what painting was almost taken down because it was so controversial? 1930’s .. light colored, outside, and smiling.. governors at the time—were supposed to look like that [pointing at a [portrait of a grim-faced governor dressed in black by his desk with papers in his hand] Richards.. dark, indoors, paper in one hand showing they are working. This painting broke the way for new style of portraits. Im going to poke my head in here and see.

Thought: Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” ---the fact it sold so many copies—reveals the thirst for theological transcendence in a grounded concrete way. The only real “purpose driven” activities are good—and they are good for others---and the Body of Christ is involved—no Lone Rangers. Intentionalism is another way to talk about it. Striving to make things better. With others. Some alone—but combined and united with others. Going beyond the minimum—beyond the job requirements. People can see it and feel it—it’s not just words and not just the minimum. 110% or more . Pray for Scott Vanderwell and John Steigenga. Kosters family. Holwerdas--,

Postcards ready to go: Old Governors Mansion to Steve Brinks , Shirley Zink, Brian Kok, Steve Kok; Capitol Bldg to Jim & Linda, Gary Kok, Andy Kok; Arnold Postcard to Bob & Cindy, Kevin Vredeveld, Andersons and to Dave Dejong. And to Shelly the supervisor at Lincoln St PO [note re. her inappropriate comment the other day]

August 31, 2006 two more Memorial Day DVD’s to go –to Jonathon Anderson Varnum and to William Doornbos Varnum from Sacramento PO—Fort Sutter Station at 710 a.m. on August 31, 2006 slept in parking lot near P & Alhambra . picked up coffee at Café Au Lait at 21^st & P. stopped in at Newsbeat & Café Connection across from the Capitol Building. Saw the assembly in session—the last day of the year did she say? Roll call at 10:30 but not too many were there. He went straight down the list without hesitation.

I connected with Ted Roelofs by e-mail [who writes for the GR Press]. He’s my mother’s cousin. He grew up in Wisconsin. His mother lived in Wisconsin as an adult but she grew up in Holland along with Leo [Leo Peters, my grandfather] . Ted’s mother met her husband, Gene, at Calvin College.

Ted Roelof’s sister is named Gene Ann, which explains my confusion from my mom’s photo album—thinking she made a mistake. I send him an e-mail with two photo attachments of him as a child [just happened to have them on my computer].

Leaving McKinley Park at 12 noon. It’s a big grassy park—reminds me of Garfield Park in Grand Rapids. I respond to an e-mail from Sandra Pleune. It turns out she is the sister of Jim & Joe Pleune. She says, “They are blessed”—not explaining what she means and I just responded to her saying we used to go over to their house across from GRCH and puff on a few cigarettes during break, adding that I don’t condone smoking . I used to take a few puffs socially at parties but never was a real “smoker.” Just like my mom & dad drink alcohol occasionally—but I wouldn’t call them alcoholics.

I got gas at the Bon Faire at Alhambra & Y—also Broadway—a 3 way intersection, right across from the Salvation Army. Roy Robinson ..Community Center . Passed by Sacramento , at 215 pm. Now passing Raley Field—must be minor league team. Stopped at the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament—beautiful Church. ( see http://www.cathedralsacramento.org/ ,http://www.crockerartmuseum.org/ )

And then I head over to Old Sacramento—planning on a River Otter boat ride. I park my car and leave it running because I have video recording inside. I walk my dog at a grassy lot 100 feet from my car and as I do I notice two police officers on horses by Candy Heaven scrutinizing my car.

I wonder what they are looking at so I walk back over and say “That’s my car, what’s the matter?” The gal was nice the guy a jerk: he growled at me about leaving my car running while not in it “This is the #5 city in the nation for stolen cars.”

I said, “My car is locked—I have an extra set of keys” He growled back, apparently oblivious to what I just said: “ They don’t care who they run over if they steal your car and we don’t want to chase them. It is illegal to leave your car running in the city. “355 pm. “Yes sir” I responded. I wondered if it really was illegal.

E-mail response to Sarah Hoekwater Chicago nursing program GRCH 1995 , ten years younger than me. To Neil deKoning in Woody Knook, Alberta. Found Frank Sisung—from PRCH—he married Barb Boorsma who works at Nordic Products –an administrative manager they live in Alto Michigan she was GRCH 1980 E-mail to David Duthler president of Duthler Foods GRCh 1982. 436 pm. Old Sacramento.

Partial Transcript of the Captain on the River Otter: The Tower Bridge is a Lift Bridge—like a giant elevator, operator is up on top, counterbalanced weights. [ see

http://home.pacbell.net/hywaymn/tower_bridge_history.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_Bridge_(California)

http://geography.about.com/library/photos/blzz33.htm . propellers.. blue charter service almost exclusively—with captain and crew Spirit of Sacramento does 1 , 2, 3 hour runs.. they also give parties. Their 2 and 3 hour includes meals. Hotel no longer operational built in 1921? .. hotel. Restaurant, lounge .. meeting room.

Delta King & Queen .. during WWII were commandeered as hospital ships. Delta Queen still operates on Mississippi .. not able to be resurrected. .. floating hotel. Mystery Theatre—sometimes in there sometimes in spirit of Sacramento too. You run every day? Every day until Monday. Monday’s a holiday. Monday is our last full operational day.. Friday Saturday Sunday until the end of October..

[there’s several “special” people on the boat—i.e. developmentally disabled] —oh yeah that breeze is nice.. train is coming.. still serves to this very day, trains. Handle both Amtrak and freight. And this is a Swing bridge.. 90 degrees. Originally called the_________ now called the I St. Bridge.[train coming right now perfect timing]

Original 1911 gears, the electric motors have been replaced. We are now accelerated to full speed. Sacramento’s new water intake 186 million gallons per day.. 5 to 8% of Sacramentos water needs. Series of numbers bottom of.. we were at high this year at 28 feet. Record high 36 feet..importance of river. State of art facility—take needs into 22^nd century remotely operated and monitored.

Appears to be original pump station for city water built in 1903 along with first electric plant, .. do something with that building? Taken for.. last month.. proposals , make final decisionj, gather money, has to be compliant with .. pcb at loow levels. No sleeping quarters allowed—must be retail or garage, something elevated. Sell it until … oops we can’t sell this.. Sacramento river, suddenly a line, clear blue water—that’s the American River. “Oh I see what you mean” [says the special fellow across from me]

It’s 5 to 8 degrees colder than the Sacramento—parkway all the way to Folsom Lake, 28 miles, primary mission not recreation—primary is flood control, levy system to do that, people standing on top of.. secondary levee is guarding the highway.. river goes up.. volume & velocity, gently enter Sacramento River, no longer need it for flood control, recreation, golf course, fish hatchery, county and state park system, continuous bike path 31 miles to Folsom Lake all off the road. Also includes equestrian trials, mountain bike, mid 60’s flood control for American River.

Getting hot? I’ll cool you off, going around, like the watercraft.. personal watercraft trying to figure out what we’re doing, just like we’re trying to figure out what they are doing.. every day, figure something illogical. . people who bought Anyone getting off at the Virgin Sturgeon [a floating restaurant] . Around the corner, how to get down from the parking garage, anybody recognize it..? from the airport—it’s an airline ramp.

Land on other side of levy is below river level most of the year, rainy days, that land needs to be de-watered drainage ditches takes the water, six big pumps.. out to the Sacramento river. Irrigation variety of services. Golf course.. used to go up to_____..no longer restaurant in November it sank, along with______ It demolished most of it.. waiting for approval to build another restaurant.. straight ahead.. river view customs starts at 1.5 million.

See the tree in the shadows. Bark stripped away—five to 8 feet.. beaver tree. Beaver munches..but most of the time it is under the restaurant eating tortilla chips from tourists.. about 30 pounds overweight, talk about our “growing America” includes our wildlife. Don’t want to run over at High speeds.. just below the surface.. wide open. Right hand side. May see a blue heron.. coyote raccoon, river rat, … ballistic.. up here.

Up above, three feet above.. only 3 feet. Boat from Gulf of Mexico—the Annabelle, 105 feet long 8000 gallons of fuel, 3 big engines, most of below deck is maintenance and engine room, two small double state rooms, two bunk beds, tiny head off the galley.. serious off shore boat.. with that you could go to Hawaii.. chain saws.. block that area, clear the debris.. big stuff.. anything in its path.. go back to keep somebody in there at all times 7 to 10.. unless special charter they get overtime.. who pays them? Cal Trans. For the services its Cal Trans. All .. downriver as well. Lot of bridge crossings, most are drawbridges. Lower Sacramento Valley.. couple of lifts, on lower Sacramento, I have not been up river very far. One thing is I don’t have a summer vacation. My wife has to tell me to turn the cell phone off at night otherwise I would be busy 24/7. [yeah right, tough job, driving the boat up and down the river all day]

(continued below)

Pastor Kok III: Sacramento/San Francisco: Homosexuality is a Sin !

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 18:38:01 GMT

(continued from previous)

Back from the River Otter at 610 pm.--, passing by Hard Rock Café Sacramento. Hotel Marshall.

The next day, Friday, September 1, 2006—I walked through the streets of Old Town Sacramento—first day of Gold Rush Days. The streets are covered with dirt, and horses and wagons, and cowboys, etc, roam the streets.

Lots of booths—with different activities—a blacksmith, a young girl playing violin, a man playing banjo, old-fashioned rootbeer samples, a shootout in the street. I stop in at the Visitors Center and ask for a list of activities and just as I do an older man and his wife step in and ask about something.

The lady at the visitors center responds testily and they get in an argument. Last time I stopped in at the visitors center I observed some negative behavior from some of the employees as well. There is a certain sort of localism in Sacramento which can sometimes become supercilious—even when they are working—some of them tend to think of themselves as overly-entitled local yokels.

Leaving Old Sacramento I go over to Discovery Park which is located at the intersection of the American & Sacramento River (see http://www.sacparks.net/our-parks/american-river-parkway/

It’s a great park, with lots of access to the river. And it’s a hot day so I let Lola go swimming while I prepare for the Sunday Message. Lots of photos to upload and attach to the e-mail message.

But I take time to go swimming as well. The water is cool, but not too cold for swimming. Lots of “skimboarders” along the waterfront. It’s a popular activity these days. I leave for the post office around 11:00 a.m. and drop off the mail I had. Then I go back to Discovery Park. I spend most of the day at Discovery Park, and later in the afternoon drive through downtown Sacramento and stop at a Starbucks—I’m still doing my sociological study of Starbucks—noting the music, types of customers, and the clerks. That’s a message I’ll be delivering in the future.

Saturday, September 2, 2006—I decide to head to San Francisco for the Labor Day Weekend. Saying that always make me think of the Jimmy Buffet song “heading up to San Francisco for the Labor Day Weekend show, I got my hush puppies on…” I never listened to a lot of Jimmy Buffet growing up but know a few of his songs—some of them not appropriate for children. I actually spent time in southern California evangelizing at a popular concert venue—the Verizon Ampitheatre—where Jimmy Buffet seems to come on tour at least once a year.

The faithful buffet fans always show up with their costumes and flowery Hawaiian shirts and party in the parking lot for several hours before the concert. I’m there with my pocket Bibles and Christ My Pilot Cards—most of the evangelizing I do is “under the windshield” after they go in to the concert. Face-to-face evangelism doesn’t work in these settings—when they are putting down their 5^th or 6^th or 12^th beer—they are not in much of a mood for talking about God and discipleship.

Those who know me or knew me when I was younger —also know that evangelizing at concerts is new for me—I used to be one of those enjoying the secular concerts as much as anybody else when I was younger. That’s what God will do to you—totally transform your life. By the way, I got an e-mail from Scott Brill—a former classmate of mine from GRCH ! Talk about Jimmy Buffet fans—he had to be one of the #1 fans growing up. He’s a great guy and so is his brother, Rick. I hope the two of them are doing well and growing in Christ.

And that brings me to the topic of alcohol. The Reformed tradition is not anti-alcohol, like the Baptist denomination. IN fact, the CRC in Canada is known for being fairly heavy drinking and smoking church goers (or used to be).There used to be a joke about the CRC "coffee hour" in Canada--not always coffee they were drinking.

I personally don’t drink at all anymore and never smoked in a regular way—only a few puffs now and then. I just say “be careful” about drinking or smoking—even if you say it’s in moderation it can lead to addiction. Be careful. Abstinence is still the best choice—but I don’t believe it should be mandated as it is in the Baptist church.

picked up oil at the Valero --$4 for a quart. 50 cents charge for using debit card. Now in West Sacramento at 8 a.m. see an Auto Zone, Kragen, Cash Gas- $2.85, heading towards San Francisco. Picked up oil at Rite-Aid in W. Sacramento—Latonya was the clerk. Robert & Magrit Mondavi Center for Performing Arts at UC Davis.

Nice creek passes through the campus. 826 a.m. made the drop for EDD . Three hot-air balloons in the distance. Pass the Jelly Belly turnoff—the factory where they make the famous jelly beans. Response to Ellen DeVries at Ivanrest CRC. Passing over the Carqunez Bridge, Carqunez Strait, 915 a.m. California Maritime Academy and St. Peters Chapel—not far from here. Exit Pinole. Picked up soda at 7-11. Entering Albany at 942 a.m

Entering San Francisco I can see the Golden Gate Bridge from across the bay . Approaching Berkeley at 943 a.m I can see the outline of downtown San Francisco 80 freeway south, approaching Bay Bridge. Paid the $3 toll for Bay Bridge. I see the Trans America Building—the pyramid building . Now I’m right up next to it at 1010 a.m Jackson Square Historic District. At Sansome & Pacific. Starbucks right next to TransAmerica and one block away another Starbucks—both on Clay Street.

Passed by the Embarcadero Center—now on the road. Past Pier 1 , Port of San Francisco. Past the Fog City Diner. Stairs up to the Coit Tower. Lots of XXX stores on Broadway St at Columbus. The “Little Darlings” Theatre (xxx). Leaving Coit Tower (see http://gocalifornia.about.com/od/casfmenu/a/coittower.htm ) at 11:30. Supposed to be a tour of the murals at 11 am but the guide didn’t show up. I took the elevator ride to the top of Coit Tower for $3.75—no fog today—clear view. Lots of tourists.

Street Singer: “ I’m wild again, beguiled again, whimpering simpering again, bewitched , bothered and bewildered am I. I couldn’t sleep. And wouldn’t sleep. Until I could sleep where I shouldn’t sleep. Bewitched bothered and bewildered am I. Thank you so much .

Lost my heart but whatever, my mistake I agree. Ahh she’s such a laugh and I love it, although the laughs on me. I‘ll sing to her, bring spring to her, and I worship the… that clings to her, bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I. Well she slept enough, she’s kept enough, and yet where it counts she’s adept enough, bewitched bothered and bewildered am I.

When she talks she is seeking words to get off her chest, horizontally speaking ahh she’s at her very best thank you so much, I have seen a lot , mean a lot, and now a lot like 17 a lot, bewitched bothered and bewildered..

before you get offended Rogers &.. lyric, I didn’t write it , vexed again, perplexed again, oversexed again, bewitched bothered and bewildered am I. Thank you —I stayed up until 2 am learning that.. have a hunch no one’s going to be doing remakes of Britney Spears in 60 years or may be they will. I’ll be gone by then, no doubt about that. Back in 1968 I was a kid here —used to be the most wound up obnoxious guy in town .. world needed shaking up.. now I’m singing.. “

I’m on the Cable Car—heading up Hyde towards Lombard. At Lombard I jump off and walk back down. I pick up eight cable car postcards for $1 and go back to my car.

Cable car postcard to Pete Harkema, Bosschers, MVG, Andersons, MacQuarries, Bellflower Koks, Jack Jr, Gary Kok, . made the postcard drop from Mason & North Point Street drop box , across from Best Western . Lombard Ave is not actually the crookedest st some say--.Cathedral of St. Mary at Gough St & Gehry—beautiful big building. At McAllister & VanNess there’s the Theatre Gallery, Library Museum, and a beautiful building on the left—which is City Hall. Found some steep streets around 20^th & Vicksburg. 345 pm.

Park at 19^th & Dolores—Dolores Park—packed with people, some doing hula hoops, some lying out in the sun, I look it up on the web and it says this about it: “popular relaxing people, many people, particularly gay men hang out at the southern end-giving it the nickname “Speedo Ridge” or “Delores Beach” among some locals. There’s two women holding hands walking down the street.

And more xxx shops “Sin City “ near Taylor & Golden Gate. “Crazy Horse Gentleman’s Club” [shame on them] now heading towards Golden Gate park. Railway Museum at Steuart St near Embarcadero. Poked my head in. Right next to St. Patricks Church is a place called “Beard Papas’—sweet & natural cream puffs—a line for the cream puffs but not for church –which is holding a service on Saturday evening. More triple xxx Golden Gate Adult Superstore at Mission & 6^th. Barbary Coast another XXX store at 9^th & Mission.

And here is Haight Ashbury (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haight-Ashbury ) at 502 pm.—lots of people here, lots of shops. This was the hey day place for hippies of the 60’s and where musical groups such as Grateful Dead started, as well as Jefferson Airplane (Starship), and Janis Joplin. They all lived in this area according to _ And there's the Soul Patch store.

At the corner of Haight Ashbury today is a Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream. Here’s a store called Pipe Dreams that sells drug paraphernalia. And Dreams of Katmandu—not sure what that is. Beautiful thin Victorian style houses at Central & Page on Central St. These Victorian houses were originally cheap rent for hippies back in the 60’s. There’s “Fat Slice” –a pizza shop. Red Victorian Restaurant & Bed & Breakfast. Land of the Sun. Escape from New York Pizza-Hot Slices. Not much parking available on the side of the street. Cold Steel America—Tattoos & Piercing. Rock n Java Coffee House. Amoeba Music (huge sign).

And here’s Golden Gate Park, right next to the Haight Ashbury neighborhood-. Supposed to be larger than Central Park in New York. Lawn bowling. National Aids Memorial Grove. Statute of General Grant with his head doused in white pigeon droppings. And here’s the DeYoung Museum. Also the Japanese Tea Garden. And that’s only a little bit of Golden Gate Park. I’ll come back later.

Stopped in at the 6^th St Taco Bell and ordered a couple burritos to go. I haven’t eaten all day. There’s a place called “Pizza Orgasmica—the Original Sin. We Never Fake It” at 10^th & Clement [shame on them]. Now entering the Douglas Mac Arthur Tunnel at 552 pm.

630 pm. I’m at the Golden Gate Bridge and I’m going to walk it. There’s a place to park and view the Golden Gate and I pull in . I don’t have enough quarters to keep the meter going so I’ll have to take my chances. I wonder how long it takes to walk across the bridge and back? Well, now I know—it’s 7:36 pm and I’m back ! It’s a great walk, and it’s clear today—no fog. Back in the car and looking for a place to sleep. I sleep in my car by the way—so I’m looking for a good place to park –where I won’t be bothered. END BLOG, BEGIN WORSHIP

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good Morning, It is Sunday September 3, 2006 and I am sitting next to the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco ! It’s been a great few days in central-northern California—most of it in Sacramento (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday) and now the last two days (Saturday, Sunday) in San Francisco . And you can see and read from the blog (above) and pictures (below) what I observed and experienced. And last night to end the week I walked across the Golden Gate ! It was a great walk—took about an hour and the air was cool and clear. Very nice.

Let’s begin the worship service with a few songs:

Song: Hail Happy Morning !

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/h/a/hailhapp.htm

Song: Hallelujah ! Jesus Lives !

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/h/j/hjelives.htm

Song: He is Coming Again !

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/h/e/heiscoma.htm

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your Blessings ! Praise Your Holy Name! And I am grateful to You for giving me a safe trip so far without incident. My car is still running well and I am relatively healthy—healthy enough to hike Mt. Whitney this summer and to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge and back last night. Thank You Lord. And thank you for giving us this beautiful day—wherever we are we can find beauty in the day—because it is Your day. And Lord I ask for Your blessing upon today’s morning message. Give me the words to say, the thoughts to think, the feelings to feel—and to deliver a message to others across the nation and around the world which will be edifying and inspiring and informational to them. Let me not compromise Your Word, Lord, for the sake of appeasing others. Give me the strength to deliver Your message with integrity and truth. Hear my Prayer Oh Lord. And for those who receive my message—I ask for Your blessings upon them Lord. Give them renewed strength to keep doing Your Will—to not grow weary of doing good, until that day when You take them to be with You Lord. Hear my Prayer, in Jesus’ name, Amen. !

Scripture: 1 Cor 6:9-11

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" NKJV

I was not actually intending to preach on this topic today—but being here in San Francisco it seems to behoove me to speak about it now—the matters of sexual licentiousness, including, or maybe especially—homosexuality. As much as we have become a “politically correct” nation we must , as Christians, continue to speak candidly about the intentions of God for His people; and being God’s people I believe we have the right and obligation to speak up for the rest of the world and try to create a community worldwide that reflects God’s purpose –not just the Christian community per se.

There are those who say—the heathen world will live as they must, but we live differently. I say we encourage and try to disciple the “heathen world” with the hope that they can change. Therefore, we, as Christians, do not endorse XXX shops or “gentleman” clubs. Nor do we, as Christians, endorse homosexuality and frivolous lifestyles.

Various churches and denominations are now allowing “homosexual pastors” –but I say that is an oxymoron. If you are a person in Christ you are not homosexual or inclined in such regards to be homosexual. This trend in denominations—down the very SLIPPERY SLOPE—is increasingly bothersome and frightening.

The real church—the true people of God seem to becoming a smaller and smaller circle of believers; when in fact we should be going in the opposite direction—enlarging the Kingdom of God—in Spirit and in Truth. But we can’t do it by compromising the Word of God.

In the above passage Paul speaks about the problem of sexual licentiousness (“adulterers, fornicators, homosexuals” etc) . He is very clear that this sort of behavior is not part of God’s intentions for His people. (continued below)

Pastor Kok III: Sacramento/San Francisco: Homosexuality is a Sin !

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 18:35:54 GMT

(continued from previous)

And yet some churches seem to be increasingly “tolerant” (as if that is a good thing) about bad behavior. “Tolerance” has been preached to us so much by those trying to lead us astray—that if you are not tolerant of everything you are a bad person. The only problem is that these people who preach tolerance are not tolerant of true Christians. They are not tolerant of intolerance.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t like the “church lady” personality that they depict ( or used to) on shows like Saturday Night Live or the totally negative and critical church personality who is always finding the failures in others. That sort of personality has actually created an opening for the “tolerance” preachers because the negative personality is so difficult to be around (remember I mentioned the library lady at Fuller Seminary? That’s a good example. She's the kind that makes me want to go smoke a cigarette just to prove that I'm not a "Christian" like her). By the way, my dad admitted in a letter he wrote a few years ago to smoking cigarette butts with a few friends as kids that they found by the church while growing up in Bellflower.

And last week I mentioned the person who goes around preaching that “_______ is a sin” (go back and read last week’s message if you want to refresh yourself. I do not want to be regularly re-using the concrete language I used last week every week--that was for the purpose of a few very concrete thinkers who need very concrete language—check your e-mail or check the posted sites—although I have not yet posted last week’s message, it will be in the future).

I said that because these sorts of personalities open the way for problems. It just doesn’t work to go in preaching “Don’t do this, don’t do that” in places such as Haight Ashbury which I drove through last night. IT doesn’t work to preach “Don’t do this” or “Don’t do that” in neighborhoods where XXX Shops and Gentleman Clubs flourish.

To reach people caught in the clutches of sinfulness—the negative approach (i.e. “Don’t) does not always work. They have become immunized to the negative talkers. And they generalize it as Christianity saying sex is bad, or feeling good is bad, etc. The liberal media and Hollywood has jumped on that bandwagon (or did for a while) making Christians look like complete fools—and not just fools for Christ.

So we approach the world in a different way—more positive. IN that regard the Crystal Cathedral does have some merit to its style. It emphasizes the positive and pushes or pulls people in the right direction through positive preaching (i.e “Do this, and do that” ) rather than negative (i.e. “Don’t do this, don’t do that”) .

So as Christians we say the physical body is good and sex can be pleasurable but it is not the “Be All End All”—as some would make it seem. IT is not all that matters. We put the matter in perspective to other parts of God’s kingdom. We remind the world and our fellow Christians of the importance of a relationship with God, and of social relationships with others in Christ. We don’t let the anti-Christians get a stronghold on us by attacking our vulnerabilities. We change our ways according to how we are being attacked.

And let me thank some of you who responded so graciously last week to my message. I revealed some things to you that left me vulnerable and yet none of you have taken advantage of those vulnerabilities. God bless you.

And I told you about the “hole in the door” incident which I would do again to alert people to the problem I perceived to be happening at a young age, which my father was unable to properly address and correct at the time.

And pray for my sister, Julie, as she needs to continue to grow in Christ (I hope) (she does attend church) but has not put Christ first in her life. And pray for my brother Andrew—I mentioned my relationships with girls (and included a few pictures of these former gal friends with last week’s message) and the difficulty of getting family support to enter into a committed relationship.

Well, one reason I don’t or didn’t bring home my girlfriend was that my brother Andrew (now an attorney at Varnum Law in Grand Rapids) had a tendency of staring at girls’ breasts, including girls with whom I might have had a fledgling relationship. This of course, made them uneasy and had a tendency to frighten away potential significant relationships.

So pray my brother Andrew who may have been fighting an obsession but hopefully has overcome it. He’s married today and I try to defend him as a brother but occasionally must be candid about some things.

And ironically, although you wouldn’t expect this from a girl—my sister Julie may also have had a little bit of this tendency to notice body parts even of other girls—and I mentioned her blurting out some things not really acceptable socially—and this tends to make normal girls I am with somewhat uneasy.

Therefore I do not have a lot of nurturing from family in regards to developing relationships. I also mentioned my Aunt Martha (“your female friend better be gone when I get there”)—again I repeat that her behavior was unacceptable and made me aware of some issues there as well. My “female friend” was not some “chick” I picked up at a bar. She was a GRCH/Calvin graduate—just like Martha herself. So I’ve had to distance myself from some of my own family because they have not been helpful or nurturing to me and my need for relationships. And it’s a shame. It’s a real shame.

I especially need support from my parents—and need to keep reminding my dad, Jim, that I am not “competition” (since he is in ministry too) but am part of the Body of Christ trying to do ministry , like him; and would hope and expect for the same support that he received from his parents and others when he was starting out in the ministry.

But if I don’t get it from them I have to hope to get it from you—the Body of Christ wherever you are. And I am not talking just about financial support (although that helps) but emotional, spiritual , and moral support as well (or even more so). Your e-mail responses and encouragement to me is very helpful . Thank you very much.

And back to the message—as the Body of Christ we are “in but not of the world” and can show the world a better way of life. We should be good & positive examples of what it means to be the Body of Christ. In the passage mentioned above—many of the sinners to whom Paul is preaching had actually changed their ways and were no longer living sinfully the way they had been before. Matthew Henry’s Commentary says this, in part :

He [Paul] puts them in mind what a change the gospel and grace of God had made in them: Such were some of you (v. 11), such notorious sinners as he had been reckoning up. The Greek word is tauta - such things were some of you, very monsters rather than men. Note, Some that are eminently good after their conversion have been as remarkably wicked before. Quantum mutatus ab illo! How glorious a change does grace make!

It changes the vilest of men into saints and the children of God. Such were some of you, but you are not what you were. You are washed, you are sanctified, you are justified in the name of Christ, and by the Spirit of our God.

Note, The wickedness of men before conversion is no bar to their regeneration and reconciliation to God. The blood of Christ, and the washing of regeneration, can purge away all guilt and defilement. Here is a rhetorical change of the natural order: You are sanctified, you are justified. Sanctification is mentioned before justification: and yet the name of Christ, by which we are justified, is placed before the Spirit of God, by whom we are sanctified.

Our justification is owing to the merit of Christ; our sanctification to the operation of the Spirit: but both go together. Note, None are cleansed from the guilt of sin, and reconciled to God through Christ, but those who are also sanctified by his Spirit. All who are made righteous in the sight of God are made holy by the grace of God.

Henry believes that no matter how wicked they had been they still have the chance of redemption. That’s real grace. And he mentions “justification” and “sanctification” and the differences in meaning and the order of operations—and that’s important, but not to dwell upon if you don’t understand it.

The important thing is what’s happening to you—as a sinner being regenerated—and ultimately “Sanctified” by the Holy Spirit. You see –the order of redemption realization of being a sinner unable to save yoursel, and subsequent confession and then after confession the process continues—you can argue what comes first—the presence of the Holy Spirit or the profession of Jesus Christ as Savior—or maybe it is simultaneous. That’s a theological debate.

What’s important is that healing is taking place. IF I am a doctor concerned about a wound you have on your leg—I may debate with other doctors about what should be done first or what comes first the chicken or the egg but what really matters is that the person is able to walk again. And that’s what matters to me—for fellow Christians or potential new Christians—that you can “walk again” in Christ, and grow stronger.

I mention specific names and addresses and say “shame” on people because for some that’s what is needed first—a realization of shame and failure. And then not only realization but acknowledgement.

If you realize your sin but try to cover it up—there’s no acknowledgement and still no need for redemption and for the love of Christ. And that is the case for all of us—the acknowledgement that we cannot do it alone—that we cannot control our own destiny. That is especially the case for addicts—those who are desperately trying to control—or maintain the illusion of control. All we can do is put up our sails—we cannot control the wind.

And so I am here today to remind you to let God be in control. Maybe your sin is not an obvious one—maybe you’re not an alcoholic or a drug addict or a sex obsessed XXX customer; but maybe it is something seemingly less sinful—workaholism—trying to control your destiny by working longer and longer hours.

Maybe it is some sort of avoidant or escapist behavior drawing you away from your responsibilities –to family or to your own spiritual life. Maybe you are obsessed with sports—watching them on TV or playing them.

Whatever is drawing you away from God and the Body of Christ is sin or potential “sin.” Maybe you think—I love to read books—and that’s good—it is educational and sharpens the mind--and all my teachers tell me to read, read read— it seems very innocent--but if all you do is read books and don’t think or care about others then it is drawing you away from helping others and being part of the Body of Christ and is sinful.

The left hand does not say to the right hand “I need some time away. I need a vacation from you all” The heart does not say to the head, “I’m going fishing. Take care of yourself for a while” . The Body of Christ cannot separate itself from other members. IT's a non-sequitur (it doesn't make theological sense) Sure, we do take time out to regenerate, just as the physical body sleeps; but we don’t abandon the other members of the Body.

And pray for my mom and dad—who are real independent personalities—despite my dad being a pastor at a fancy church——he needs to be reminded that he is part of the Body of Christ, which is much larger than the Crystal Cathedral and larger than the CRC.

And that everything he earns and all that is purchased at the Cathedral comes via donations by the members of the Body of Christ. They share with the Cathedral –trusting the Cathedral to share likewise—trusting in pastoral prudence to use the offerings in a benevolent matter. Pray for the Cathedral leaders not to become selfish, or to think they deserve more because they work harder than others.

In fact, by criticizing the Cathedral I risk offending my dad who is a contributor to Mustard Seed Ministries, but I must be honest, nonetheless, for the betterment of the body of Christ. And pray that my dad will not take the criticism in the wrong way, but that he will be pleased by it--for the sake of betterment.

In fact it’s ironic because I received an e-mail from my dad earlier this week—as I was trying to set up a time to meet with him—and I was pushing him to schedule a time right away and he responded “I’m working, you aren’t” which stunned me because the fact of the matter is—I am working very much so—I’m just not on the IRS tax list right now.

But just because there’s no W-2 forms to fill out doesn’t mean I’m not working. And just because he goes to the office doesn’t necessarily mean he is working. Lots of people have offices and don’t do much in them—but nonetheless they get paid for being there.

I know my dad, Jim, does his Care & Kindness Conference annually. I know he visits people in the hospital when they are sick or dying. But I don’t know how much he actually does or doesn’t do. There’s no way to verify if he is actually working. So I said to him –at least I produce a message every week—and you can see for yourself the results.

He was posturing just like the captain of our boat in Sacramento earlier this week (read the blog above for specifics) who at the end of our little cruise down the river felt compelled to remind us that he didn’t get a summer vacation and that his wife has to force him to turn off the cell phone otherwise he would be busy 24/7. I’m sure people are calling at 2 a.m. to book reservations on the River Otter.

In fact, he must have been speaking to me because I was thinking what a nice job –cruising up and down the Sacramento River in the middle of the summer heat—with a canopy overhead to shade him. Not a bad job at all. But rather than just be thankful for the job and be benevolent to others he had to put in a cheap plug for himself. I can think of a lot worse jobs to have.

So let’s be thankful for what we have and not become “Arminians” thinking we can work our way to heaven, because all that comes down to is the appearance of work, rather than actual work itself. That's the kind of worker who suddenly straightens his collar and stands up straight only when the boss comes by.

Salvation is by faith, not works. The outcome of faith is the fruits of the Spirit—which leads to “work” and progress but not in a grudging manner. We work in a thankful manner happy to be healthy enough to contribute.

By the way, I mentioned Dave Dejong last week and some of you responded graciously and I can feel the power of the Body of Christ healing that chapter in his life and our life—which is all of our lives. If he is sincere and is growing in Christ, let the Body of Christ respond accordingly. Let Dave Dejong be a true follower of our Lord and Savior. And bless his family—may they grow in the Word.

Song: Sanctifying Power by Leila Morris

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/s/a/n/sancpowr.htm

Song: Showers of Blessings

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/s/b/sblessin.htm

Prayer: Dear God, It’s been quite a week—lots of traveling for me; and you have carried me through. We praise Your Name. And thank you for your blessings—the Showers of Blessings you continue to bestow upon us. And I’m thankful for simple things---like being able to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.

That’s a blessing. To be able to look out and see the boats in the bay—some people are blind and can’t even enjoy that. Thank You Lord.

And thank you for grace—and regenerating and sanctifying us with the Power of the Holy Spirit ! We are blessed beyond words. It’s just a knowledge we must continue to reflect upon. We have so much; meaning we have so much to give—and continue to remind us of that truth Lord.

And thank you for Gold Rush Days in Sacramento—that’s a nice little thing to do for the kids in the community—giving them a sense of history. Let the world be a blessing to You, Lord. And let us, as Christians, help show them the way. Let us speak out against that which is contrary to Your Will, Oh Lord –but let us do so in a way that does not make us vulnerable to those who are against You.

Let us be calculated and tactful about how we do what we do FOR YOU, Oh Lord. Let us be smart and engaging in Your Name—the Only True Name, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit ! Thank you God. Amen.

And that’s all for today. Thank you for listening, reading, and responding.

Sincerely

Philip A. Kok

J.P. Kok
Pastor Kok III

Song: Singing I Go !

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/s/i/singinig.htm

Pastor Kok III: Dodger/Angel Stadiums: Forgiveness, Redemption & Reconciliation

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:49:33 GMT

Dodger/Angel Forgiveness Message:

To View this Message Go to www.myspace.com and search Jesusnow2005@yahoo.com (already partially posted)

Or go to pastorkok3.spaces.live.com (the message hopefully will be posted as soon as possible, depending on the stability of the windows site )

Pastor Kok III: Dodger/Angel Stadiums: Forgiveness, Redemption & Reconciliation

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:47:58 GMT

Pastor Kok III: Angel/Dodger Stadiums:

Forgiveness, Redemption, Reconciliation

So I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s with this as the backdrop. And my friends, likewise. We were “clay” and they were the “potters”. Some things we had a choice about, other things were imposed upon us without our consent or volition. Sometimes we took what our parents said as if they were “gods.” Some of us grew up very trusting of our parents—never disagreeing with them, always believing them. Others rebelled. I did a little bit of both.

It was during these “formative years” that I was simultaneously “obedient” and “good” while also “questioning” and “testing.” My dad was a pastor, and his dad was a pastor and so I was inclined towards thinking the church and pastors were the most wise and benevolent. Sometimes they are.

But a lot of my dad’s theology was based on his own experiences as a youth—dealing with depression and grief from the loss of his mother at an early age; perhaps dealing with the conformity of the 1950’s.

Other pastors, likewise, were putting into play a theology based on the times and based on their own personal experiences. That’s the way it is for every new generation. What seemed important to them, however, didn’t seem so important to some of their kids.

For one generation struggling with the question of whether masturbation is okay or not –the next generation is oblivious about it. Likewise, when I was at the Watts Festival—one generation still strongly and profoundly recalls the Watts Riot and all the implications while their kids are somewhat oblivious to racism and racial issues.

When I go into classrooms today I do not feel a strong sense of interest by the kids in their racial identity. In fact when I try to bring it up, specifically, most of them don’t really want to think about themselves as “black” or “African American” or “Latino” or “Anglo”—and I think in a lot of ways this is healthy. They want similitude. But at the same time there is a need for differentiation. Only—it should not be based on race or color. It should be based on skills, and talents, and aptitude, and gifts.

They recently announced that the next Survivor show (which I’ve never watched, just read about) is going to be race-based with Latinos competing against Anglos competing against African Americans, etc. I think that is a big mistake.

We need to differentiate based on gifts—especially in the church the differentiation should be about spiritual gifts. And similitude should be based on spiritual convictions as well. We affiliate with those who believe in the same God, the only God; and Savior, Jesus Christ !

And so the kids growing up in the 70’s and 80’s had some “baggage” dumped on them by their parents. Last week I talked about “DJ” and my ambivalence about an experience I had with him (if you missed it you can read about it at www.myspace.com search Jesusnow2005@yahoo.com; or at Xanga (go to”profiles” and then search under “user name for “pastorkok3”. )

This was not the only experience I had ambivalence about—there was another time when he urged us to push a kid (a middle-school aged kid) off of the edge of the pier at Pentwater—just for kicks. The kid was sitting there enjoying watching the boats go by and DJ managed to exert enough peer pressure upon us—and we knocked the kid into the water.

His dad happened to be close by and chased us down the beach. He caught up with us and said “What if he didn’t know how to swim?!” It was a legitimate concern. We were young—not much older than the kid we pushed into the water, and not being very intelligent.

But I imagine DJ was given baggage by his parents just like anybody else. His parents smoked—that wasn’t good for him. Neither of them had gone on to college—so he didn’t have the advantage of educated parents. His dad was a mechanic for Highland Chrysler Plymouth on 28^th St. And his mom, like most wives of that day and age, was a housewife and homemaker.

DJ must have been raised with a little bit of suspicion towards education (as Mouw says, "masters of suspicion") And so while some of us were preparing to go to college and taking the “college prep” classes he was going to “wood shop” .

It’s just the way it was, and maybe not even the way he wanted it. It was back in a time when “tracking” was a way of life in academia. You were pushed towards college if your parents went to college; or if they didn’t go to college they had to show a specific interest in making sure their children did. If they didn’t show the interest—chances are the kid would get vocational training instead.

Anyways, as I was saying, DJ “wandered” but ended up at RBC (Reformed Bible College; now Abraham Kuyper College) and was involved with youth ministry for a while. It took everybody by surprise, including me. He fought the system that tried to track him into becoming a mechanic or a tow truck driver.

Another classmate who I also mentioned last week did not fight the system—Steve Korhorn—almost transcended being tracked into something remedial—for a while he was a police officer (which has potential noble qualities to it, if you can remain good. ) , but then he submitted to social pressure and left police work to be a tow truck driver and a bartender and now helps out at Powell moving in addition to being a volunteer fireman. He could have done more. He still could. It just depends on what you want to settle for, and if you will acquiesce to culture’s desire for too much similitude, sometimes.

But here’s the good thing—I got an e-mail from DJ after last week’s message saying “Will you forgive me?” I wasn’t sure if he was reading my messages or not. But apparently is. And that fills me with profound gladness because a lot of other “friends” are totally tuned out.

And it’s not really a matter of me “forgiving” David as much as it is a matter of him having been transformed, spiritually. It’s a matter of growth. And I sense there is or was some growth in Dave—the time he suddenly re-appeared as a youth pastor—I got the notion that he was living “intentionally” at least for a while—trying to repair some of the breaches of yesterday.

He mentioned apologizing to a tiny kid in our class by the name of Tim Wagenmaker—a very frail and thin young man who was not athletically inclined nor physically gifted at all. I can’t even find Tim in our high school directory—as if he does not want to be found.

Not surprising because even in the Christian schools kids get picked on, and Tim was an easy target. Apparently Dave (“DJ”) at some point had a transformative experience—a feeling of remorse—and a need to reconcile with others. And he apparently went about intentionally trying to do so.

I too have had some feelings of a need to “reconcile.” All of us have sinned and all of us have been sinned against; some more so on one end than the other. Our family –the Kok family—has been sinned against by my mother’s stepmother and her children—the second set of kids of Leo Peters, my late grandfather.

You see, my grandmother, Helen Mills, commit suicide in the garage of their house at 750 Plymouth when my mom, Linda, was a teenager. Several years later my grandfather, Leo Peters, remarried to Nancy Wallace.

Helen Mills had been a college graduate and was a refined, cultured, woman. Nancy was originally hired by my grandfather for domestic labor. Nancy was the maid. Who knows –maybe my grandfather had eyes for her when he hired her; maybe she seduced him.

Anyways, they got married and had three more kids—Mark, Andrea, and Theresa; in addition to the kids from my grandfather’s first marriage—Martha, Linda, Diana, Barbara, Sandra, and Brenda (who was born mentally retarded and today lives in an assisted living home in Chicago).

All of the daughters from my grandfather’s first marriage went to Grand Rapid Christian High and were married and having kids of their own by the time the kids from my grandfather’s second marriage were born. The kids from the second marriage just happened to be about the same age as myself and my siblings and attended Grand Rapids Christian High as well. IN fact, one of the kids, Theresa, was in my same high school class. She was my age.

It was around this time that my mother and her sisters had some struggles with their father about the will left by my grandmother, Helen. And it became a conflict between the daughters and their father and he wanted to do something with his first wife’s will that required the signature of the daughters from the first marriage.

Not all the daughters agreed with what their father wanted to do and for a long time there was a “battle” going on. During this time my grandfather enlisted his kids from his second marriage to side with him—and started ad hominem attacks (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem ) against our family.

Theresa got caught up in the propaganda of her father and in my own high school class, amongst some of her friends, she began saying mean and false things about me. It was vicious gossip—which depopularized me –unknowingly at the time.

I didn’t know what she was doing—the kind of below-the-belt innuendo she was spreading about me—but it apparently was going on; and I figured it out later. All I could do was survive through high school.

My other siblings were fortunate not to be in the same class year as Andrea or Mark—being one year separated from each of them. And to this day—the Peters kids from the second marriage have it built into their consciousness that the daughters from their father’s first marriage and the spouses and kids of these daughters—all have character flaws worthy of their disdain.

In fact they needed this false rationalization to do what they tried to do with the will left by my grandmother Helen. They needed to (and still need to) convince themselves that they (or their father) had the right to try to take the 50% right of a spouse to the estate and wealth of her husband away from the daughters of the first marriage because all of the daughters and their families were flawed in character.

My grandfather Leo Peters and his wife Nancy spent years convincing their children that all the daughters of his first marriage (and their new families—i.e. their husbands and their children) had character flaws which justified his(my grandfather Leo Peters) desire to change the will left by his first wife which would mean leaving nothing for the children of his first marriage.

HE DID NOT TOTALLY SUCCEED IN DOING SO, but he did succeed in poisoning the minds of his children from his second marriage against all the daughters and their families from the first marriage. And that phenomena is still in place today.

Nancy, Mark, Andrea, and Theresa still believe today that the daughters of my grandfather’s first marriage (all my aunts) as well as the spouses and the children are all inferior to them. And they have to believe it in order to justify some of the injustices that remain in effect to the present. And this is more of a problem of greed and insecurity than similitude and differentiation.

And I give you this example because if they were to ask for forgiveness today—I would have a difficult time with it because they have not changed their material position in regard to the matter. That is, without economic reconciliation being made, forgiveness would be meaningless because they are obviously insincere.

The only way true justice and reconciliation can be made in this matter is for them to sacrifice the ill-begotten gains they made by virtue of their attack on the Kok family and some of the other sisters’ families (there were two sisters who received the brunt of the attacks—my mom, Linda, and her sister, Diana). And that is one thing they are not willing to do.

It’s like the United States asking for forgiveness from the American Indians—without the USA making economic reparations the plea is meaningless. The USA had to set aside land for the American Indians who had been victimized and had to do other things, including making educational grants more available to them; among other things.

You see when you victimize others ultimately you are shortchanging yourself spiritually for the sake of economic gain. And in the long run the spiritual sacrifice takes its toll. Nancy, Mark, Andrea, and Theresa are feeling that toll at this time in their life even if they are in denial about it. And that toll will worsen until they decide to make true reparations for the damage inflicted by their father. Their perceived need to be rich in their mind outweighs their need for spiritual integrity.

At the time most of it transpired they were children and could plead "not guilty"as minors but now they are responsible adults and can see the truth for themselves. There’s no denial. They are at a point of choosing the “road less traveled” or not—actually that point came a few years ago, but they can still turn back. If they go too much further it will be too late.

If you want to write to any of them and encourage them to do the right thing or say “shame on you” here are their addresses:

Mark Peters is the CEO of Butterballs Farms at 1435 Buchannan SW, Grand Rapids, MI 49507 . Andrea Peters is married to Dr. Adam Blickley and they live at 3427 Hoag Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49525 (right by Sunshine CRC on the East Beltline where they attend). Theresa Peters is married to Dr. Glenn Mandeville and they live at 7558 Sycamore Knolls, Terre Haute, IN 47802. Nancy Peters may still live at 750 Plymouth SE Grand Rapids, MI 49506—unless they finally sold the old mansion. If so, I don’t know her new address.

This world is filled with people taking advantage of others. It’s what one of my professor’s , Glenn Stassen, calls a “vicious cycle.” But that’s not how true Christians need to live.

Recently, I have my cousin Bob Kok, on the aggressive towards me. I’ve received at least six “anonymous” post office postcards from him or his wife Cindy in the last few weeks. I say “anonymous” because they are not signed but I can tell by the way they address it—they apparently printed a pageful of my return address—and stick it on each one—and each one misses the same letter of the alphabet—and is identical to a sticker they put on returned mail to them—previously.

So I know it is from Bob and/or Cindy in Holland, MI; but I haven’t read a single one. I turn it over immediately so I don’t get even a tiny glimpse of the status degradation they are trying to inflict.

How do I know it is status degradation if I don’t read them—because the first one I didn’t happen to get a glimpse of and I saw something demeaning written in large letters. And it all started with Bob Kok returning one of my dvd’s and writing “ I don’t want your worthless stuff.”

Ironically, I’ve been trying to send him some pictures of his late father, Sherwood, which I put on DVD. Does he think that is worthless too--pictures of his own late father?

As I have mentioned previously, his father, my Uncle Sherwood, was a military man—a lieutenant colonel—and a graduate of Calvin College—who died at a young age after several years of alcoholism. He actually had quit drinking by that time, but it’s likely the previous years took a toll on his body, physically; and probably emotionally too. And he was a Vietnam veteran, adding to some of the angst of life.

Anyways, one of my dad’s photo albums has a lot of great pictures of Sherwood as a child and I thought Bob might like some memorabilia of his father during a more pleasant time of life. But he won’t even open anything I send him anymore. Nor will he appropriately express why he has so much anger towards me. I have done nothing wrong to him or the family. It’s depression talking. It may be anger he has towards his father being misdirected towards others, including myself.

But I will not allow him to get inside my head—as he is trying to do right now. And I just wonder how long he will continue? I’m not sure if there’s anything legally I can do about it at the moment, but if I could, I would. S

So please pray about it—with the hope of reconciliation—not on his terms (he's used to getting his way)but on spiritually acceptable terms. And it all started with me just sending him some innocent ministry material—which he could have simply set aside or gave away if he wanted. Instead he decided to attack. He lives at 706 Wildwood Dr. Holland, MI 49423—in case any of you want to intervene on my behalf, or say “shame on you “ to him .

And speaking of conflict I’m still hoping to reconcile a matter with Mike Van Denend at Calvin College. Mike Van Denend is the director of the alumni department and took over for Peter Harkema when he left Calvin for Fuller Seminary (remember I mentioned Peter Harkema last week and in previous messages?)

And it also so happens that Mike Van Denend attended 1^st CRC at the same time our family did in Grand Rapids. During this time Mike became prejudiced towards the Kok family—or maybe a few members in particular, --who knows why or how it came about.

I saw him a few times in passing at Calvin College—while I was attending—but he was not very friendly, nor social; which was a shame because I graduated from Calvin with honors and deserved to be treated with respect by officials of the institution; in addition to the fact that everybody else in my family attended Calvin College as well, and so we think of the school and most of the people there with love and familiarity, rightly so.

But something transpired to give rise to the same kind of frosty, nebulous, mannerisms that I feel coming from Peter Harkema at Fuller Seminary as well. What kind of self-serving dialogue or inter-campus communications they had I do not know.

Anyways, during the first few years I was at Fuller Seminary I wrote a few letters to Calvin professors expressing some of my feelings about my experience(s) at the college; and in regards to one professor, Rick Devries, an economics professor, I also expressed myself (he has since left Calvin College and is teaching at Sylvan Christian Junior High)

You see, Rick DeVries, is only two years older than myself; and also attended GRCH and Millbrook Junior High. His dad was the janitor at GRCH.

While I was still at Millbrook and he was at GRCH one evening I was attending a high school football game as a spectator—I must have been in 8^th or 9^th grade; probably 8^th now that I think about it—because Rick DeVries was standing in front of me in the stands; and I know he played football—so he must have been junior varsity at the time—having already played their game—he was watching the varsity game.

I was in the back row of the stands with a few friends and I said something that apparently bothered him and he turned around and hit me in the head and called me a “major _________” .

I don’t even like to repeat the language but it had something to do with degrading one’s masculinity. I didn’t do anything back. I probably should have done something. But I just stood there—stunned.

A few people around me just stood there stunned as well. I never told a teacher or administrator about it. I never even mentioned it to my parents. My dad was not a strong figure in defending me at that point in time of my life. And at that time in history young boys were expected to take care of themselves—even if it meant fisticuffs.

For some reason I didn't fight at that moment. I refrained. I’d been in fights before and was in fights since then but for some reason this incident ended without justice (not that hitting back is "justice"--in fact it's not--but there was nothing to rectify the injustice that had just occurred--the violation against me) .

Until 2000 or thereabouts—about eighteen years later. I wrote letters to Rick DeVries and some of the other economics professors complaining about Rick.

I felt that he was still an abusive person and maybe unfair to others. Some of the letters I wrote I signed. Others I left unsigned. There was obvious unresolved anger in me about it.

He had not only insulted me but had injured me physically—nothing permanent or bloody—but just being wrongly touched or struck is an injury. Suddenly it welled up in me and I wrote a few letters—thinking maybe it would help me resolve some of the old feelings.

Ironically, prior to this- Rick had become friends of Steve Brinks—whom I’ve also mentioned previously. In fact the three of us went fishing together a few times—like friends. I never mentioned that incident when we were together and Rick acted like a nice fellow; but it obviously was still in me—and stuck with me beyond those times of fellowship—or false fellowship.

Rick had wounded my manhood and it had never been resolved. He had never directly apologized although during those fishing trips he may have tried to do so, indirectly.

I remember he mentioned the problem of abuse in the CRC (the Christian Reformed Church) –perhaps alluding to a problem in his family for which he was apologetic. Maybe he had been abused by his father, the custodian. For that matter, my dad, the pastor, still used “corporal punishment” on us—or maybe just me—when we were growing up.

Physical control of the kids at that time in history was acceptable. I myself do not agree with corporal punishment nor would ever use physical measures to control a student or child, apart from defending myself or others.

But that was the way it was then and when Rick Devries got angry in the stands at the football game—he may have been simply replicating what he had seen or experienced from his own father. Nonetheless, it didn’t justify it.

(if you want to send a "shame on you" letter to Rick DeVries he lives at 1331 Giddings Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49506)

Anyways, my letters were an attempt to re-establish myself in that regard—to let Rick DeVries know not to mess with me. But apparently Mike VanDenend got involved and subsequently blacklisted me at Calvin College and removed me from the Calvin alumni list.

I no longer receive the Calvin Alumni magazine nor have access to the Calvin College directory. I think it was going too far by Mike VanDenend and was never allowed to speak directly about the matter. And I believe Mike acted hastily and even with glee because of his prejudice or anger towards the Kok family (or me personally) dating back to our simultaneous attendance at 1^st CRC.

He might not have been able to separate his feelings from church with the completely different matters of the moment. Because of a few letters with which he disagreed –suddenly I lose all my rights as an alumnus at Calvin College.

He’s the judge, jury, and executioner. And it’s all because of some unarticulated grudge against me or the Kok family in general dating back to 1^st CRC days. And sadly he’s enlisted my own dad, Jim Kok, in this regard, against me. Although my dad supports me on a lot of other matters he has abandoned me on this one; which really disappoints me.

I’ve tried to reconcile this matter—sent letters, DVDs, and cards to Mike VanDenend but nothing in return. He sent only one letter to me and it was not sufficient, nor apologetic, nor explanatory. So I need your prayers about this---if you want to send letters he’s at the Alumni Office at Calvin College (3200 Burton St. SE Grand Rapids, MI 49506) and seems as if he’s always been there and always will be.

Next—about my sister Julie. In May of 2005 I got notice from my mom that Julie & her husband, Kevin, were experiencing a crisis in St. Joseph , Michigan. I was experiencing my own crisis at the time in Pasadena, CA, and was taking time off from teaching because of it.

Kevin, for reasons which I will not disclose, had his driver’s license suspended for a month. He’s an attorney who had just started practicing law by himself after several years with a firm; and could not continue to practice law sufficiently without being able to drive to court and hearings.

He needed a driver for a month. And I was out of work for a month—although as a pastor and with my ministry—the work goes on no matter what. I’m talking about the work I do for “fun”—i.e. substitute teach periodically.

That’s my job too and gives me needed income to support the ministry as well as allows me to interact positively with the students—and get to know the kids in the community. It’s a good opportunity to mold the hearts, minds, and souls of our young people—for the better ! Anyways, there was an issue, something technical, about my credential which bureaucracy sometimes takes a while to resolve—and so I had time to spare.

So Julie asked me if I would be willing to drive for them for a month. Now my relations with sister Julie have not always been good, but let me tell you this—I have always tried to make her feel good about herself.

She has or had very low self esteem growing up—especially about her body, physically. And while young boys were expected to be “gentleman” and not notice the figure of a girl, I always wanted her to feel good about herself.

My dad was not one who would say, “you’re a good looking girl” –he had the pastoral quality that was reserved in such regards—and I don’t think he ever became fully accustomed to being a father, or being a father to a daughter.

I think he was awkward in that regards. So I tried to pick up the slack. I would do boy things (not gentleman things) like pull her bra strap. Just for fun—no big deal. Some growing girls—adolescent girls –are very conscientious about their bodies—they want to be beautiful. They want to have nice breasts.

And they are not always getting complimented about it at school or church—in fact in the Christian schools, at least in Grand Rapids, —the milieu is like you never notice a person’s body. You never talk about the physical body. It’s taboo. As mentioned last week it might be more of a Platonic practice than a Biblical or Christian practice.

Nonetheless, I want and wanted people to feel good about themselves, including , but not limited to, their physical body. The reverse problem today is that young ladies get too much pressure and acknowledgement about their physical body and nothing else.

That’s more of a problem in secular society. IN the Christian schools in Grand Rapids the problem is that the body is never noticed or acknowledged; at least then—back in the mid-80’s and prior.

But yet even at my grandpa’s cottage on Lake Michigan I had noticed an early age that somebody had drilled a hole in a wall of the bathroom and apparently spied on people while they were in the bathroom. I wondered if somebody had spied on me while I was going to the bathroom.

Nonetheless, I was at an impressionable age and subsequently I replicated the same thing at our house on Griswold St. I drilled a hole in the bathroom door and spied on my sister once. I didn’t know why—I didn’t really care to see her pee but I replicated what I had seen at grandpa’s cottage. Anyways, the hole was so big and obvious it was very noticeable—and my sister, Julie, noticed immediately.

My point in telling this is to let you know that I was hoping to make her feel good about herself—that even her brother was attracted to her physically. I don’t want anybody to tell her this but I was not, in fact, physically attracted to her (she doesn't read anything I write anyways).

I do not, to this day, think of her as being very physically attractive (don't tell her); but as long as she believed I did—that was good. It helped her self-esteem. And she had a grudge against me because I was better looking than her; and so this gave her a strike against me--which I let her have. I sacrificed myself for her.

And today I believe that we can try to do more to help people think well of themselves—not by spying on them—God forbid---that was an adolescent miscalculation—a stupid thing to do even though it was trying to help her self-esteem. But it also generated gossip.

Today Julie will not mention that incident—but it is obvious that it circulated amongst the family at a quiet level---and a strike against me (beyond my intentions of giving Julie a lift)

It may have even circulated as far as the Engelhard family. Julie was a friend of Kris Engelhard, and Dave Engelhard Sr. was a Hebrew professor at Calvin Seminary at the time (later he went on to become the general secretary for the CRC) .

And I say that my family used it as a strike against me without mentioning it ever again. In fact what pained me more is that they never did speak about it again. It needed to be spoken about.

And this is the first time I talk about it and address the particularities of it directly. Whether you understand what I am saying or not—it is something that needs to be known—for the sake of healing; for the Body of Christ !And the more people that know about it , the better !

Secrets & shame cause pain to remain. And unscrupulous persons use that shame against you; even if there’s a logical (not shameful) explanation for it.

The funny thing is that there is more unspoken about or hidden shame in our family –the Kok/Peters family (at large-the extended family) that has never come out; but should.

Because once you open up about some of this silly minor stuff it no longer becomes a binding, oppressive wound. Sin is a rupture in the Body of Christ ; and healing takes place when the Body of Christ works together to heal. I

f, for example, there’s a cancerous cell in the human body—a healthy body will attack that cell and kill it. An unhealthy body—for whatever reason—will not work together to attack the bad cell, and the cancerous cells will multiply.

In the Body of Christ when we talk about something with honesty and with integrity for the purpose of redemption—we heal. Even if something is not a “sin”---if it gets sublimated as if it is—it is a rupture.

So sin is something that ruptures the body—even if it is not listed in the Good Book specifically as something not to do. So in the Kok family –the sin left over from the hole-in-the-door incident is still a binding, oppressive matter, not allowing our nuclear family to become healed and totally regenerated with the Body of Christ.

Ironically, the problem is that there are apparently greater secrets that have not been discussed—which would be more constructive in healing our family; and in many other “Christian” families and communities.

My sin took the focus off other more real unspoken about sins—that continue today—and I’m not talking necessarily about anybody in our nuclear family—maybe I am maybe I’m not—but also in the Christian community.

I could afford to absorb the sin of others by doing what I did in such an obvious and demonstrative manner, but I cannot do so any longer. I have already died for some of you.

Those of you who are living with unconfessed sin are going to have to experience the pain and humiliation of confessing it for yourself. And there’s a lot of you out there—even in , or especially in, the Christian community. And the longer you wait and allow the unconfessed sin to fester the more difficult it is to repair.

And this brings me back to some of what I said earlier—about the education system—the problem of ‘tracking” was that it led to a formula-based system, and unspoken rules of behavior along with the education level of one’s parents formed the backbone of promotion.

(continued below)

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:44:04 GMT

(continued)

Pastor Kok III: Angel/Dodger Stadiums:

Forgiveness, Redemption, Reconciliation

This meant that an unscrupulous person with educated parents could learn the “formula” for success without having truly established moral authority. Some of them are lawyers.

For example, in the Christian system the formula when I was growing up was that you never mention , as a male, the anatomy of a female. You never say “breasts” for example—unless you’re eating chicken breasts for dinner, and even that would sometimes make people snicker.

People without educated parents were less likely to know the “formula” for behavior and might brazenly refer to the part or parts of a person’s body; and would thereby disqualify themselves in the academic/church world.

The “formula” system, however, doesn’t really filter the decent from the perverse or those with prurient interests; and that’s why you have persons in high places periodically revealed as pedophiles and child pornographers or having a secret history of abusing or molesting children.

We need a system that promotes based more on actual talent and achievement rather than formula behavior. Despite having a few things people could point to in my history (even though you’re pointing to obsolete adolescent behavior) there are adult professionals living “formula” behavior who have been doing so their whole lives, having never truly gotten to the point of real genuine moral conviction, and therefore they never become truly inspirational. They remain tentative because they are formulaic in education and promotion.

And I keep telling you in this message and in previous messages that for a lot of issues and moral dilemmas and about spiritual growth “there’s no formula” .

There’s no formula—there’s just discovery—based on trust and candor. And that’s what this message is about, in part, —candor, and then trusting in you, the Body of Christ—which if it is in the Holy Spirit—will respond with the fruits.

And with this I ask for your intervention in my own family—especially with my siblings—in addition to those extended family members mentioned above earlier. Right now I need healing and reconciliation with my own nuclear family members—not so much with my mom and dad (Jim & Linda) with whom I have decent relations—although there’s always room for improvement—but more so with my two brothers and one sister.

Somewhere along the way they acquiesced to pressure perhaps from the Peters family matters –and/or just social acquiescence in general—that makes them degrades others, sometimes wrongfully so.

Sure, if this guy John Karr is guilt of killing Jon Benet Ramsey—let’s call a spade a spade—the guys a freak, a creep, and weirdo; as seems to be the case with Michael Jackson and his infatuation with the sexuality of children; but let’s not take something somebody did as an adolescent or pre-adolescent and hold somebody captive to something done (with a logical explanation, subsequently) at a time when society does not even hold persons of that age accountable for their behavior—at least not accountable, ex post facto, as adults.

I have nuclear family members who are still harboring grudges from things of youth—or maybe I should say, holding people prisoner—not so much even that they were truly bothered by these things of youth. And some of them need to look at themselves in the mirror.

Last week’s message was a perfect set up for today—and DJ responded perfectly—almost as if it was part of the script—he asked for forgiveness—and it is forgiven as long as he shows signs of growth and integrity—and he seems to have shown such.

More of an issue now is my own nuclear family—it’s time to come clean. I defend my nuclear family for their involvement in issues of race a few weeks ago, but really that’s superficial.

Real involvement means more than just adopting a person of minority race. Real involvement means an inner transformation that leads to respect for others, truly so. You’re not seeing color or shape or size. That gets left behind with spiritual transformation.

However, having said that- I also say note that the Song of Solomon is a good example of Biblical manhood and womanhood where the physical body is appreciated.

I said, "I will climb the palm tree;

I will take hold of its fruit."

May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine,

the fragrance of your breath like apples,

and your mouth like the best wine.

Song 7:8-9

How to turn that on and off appropriately—there’s no formula—you have to learn it and discern it and reserve your physical loving affection for the right people, or person.

And those of you were are fathers of growing girls—give them normal loving affection—even compliment their physical body occasionally, as you would compliment them for getting good grades, or playing a musical instrument.

Meanwhile, daughters and wives, don’t be so coy with your husband or brothers or father. Don’t abuse them and take advantage of their (our) vulnerabilities for self-serving purposes. You know what I am talking about. If you are a sister with an adolescent brother, don’t try to sexually taunt or tease your own brother ! Or your father ! Be modest when you should be modest.

When I was driving Kevin around for a month we talked about different things, and he talked about when he first met Julie, my sister, and said to me “I thought she was hot”

That’s not something he really needed to be saying to me. I have to maintain a spiritual level of care for my sister, and don’t want to think of her in a sexual way—that’s not appropriate.

It’s like me in the classroom as a teacher—I’m there to focus on my job as a teacher and cannot, should not, and do not look at students in any other manner. I might comment about grooming or clothing (especially where there are uniform rules) but that’s really only few and far between times of instruction—usually not an issue; and has nothing to do with looking at students in the wrong way.

We need to respect other people’s position and place in life. If a person is a father you don’t go around talking to them about their daughter in a sexual , suggestive manner—even if you are the fiancé; nor really should you be talking to me, the brother of her, in such a manner.

Have respect. Let me know you care for her whether she has a mastectomy or whether she has a perfect figure. True love, commitment, and respect will last beyond the physical attraction.

But back to Julie & Kevin—what really bothers me about the two of them –is that after I helped them out for a month by driving Kevin around—getting him to court on time, helping him keep his career going—what bothers me is that after I returned to California—they never bothered to write or correspond again after that.

They don’t send cards. They don’t send letters. They don’t communicate whatsoever. It’s like they used me just for the moment—because I came in handy—and then, “see ya later, alligator.” This is the style of Kevin & Julie—to use people for whatever particular need they have at the moment—with no real appreciation for the person at all.

They were respectful of me while I was there because I served a purpose, but that ‘s it—solely a utilitarian outlook. How they can do this without losing respect for themselves I do not know. Write a letter to them—encourage them to love others—not use them—or say “shame on you” to them—they have some things to be ashamed about. Their address is 523 Howard St. St. Joseph, MI 49085.

And as for the rest of my siblings—Steven & Kris –they live at 1010 Alvarado St. Redlands, CA 92373; and Andy & Carol live at 7191 Mick Road, Clarksville, MI 48815. If I can attain reconciliation with them—and bring them back to a Christ-filled lifestyle, full of the Holy Spirit—I will have made a significant leap in my ministry.

And so if it’s meant to be, according to God’s will, with the help of the whole Body of Christ, let it be! It’s got to be something that happens very soon, or else it never will. Likewise I get the feeling that if the Peters kids (from the second marriage) are going to make amendments it’s got to be soon or it will never happen.

Now—concerning my “friends” in Grand Rapids—I haven’t heard from Keith Steensma and Jack Holwerda in a long time. These two were supposedly or supposed to be my friends.

But as soon as I left Grand Rapids they withered. They went on with their lives but communication ceased altogether. I wanted to make sure that they had terminated the relationship—so for the longest time I’ve continued to drop notes, letters, cards, etc. but still nothing in response. That saddens me very much.

And I thank Dave Dejong for being one of my friends who has responded at least by e-mail. Also thanks to Ken Scheellhaas who I really never knew that well personally, but he has responded several times to my Sunday Messages. And I appreciate that. Thanks Ken. And to some of the attorneys at Varnum (minus my brother) I appreciate your responses. I’m feeling good about the way things are going.

But if you want to help wake a few people up or say shame on you Jack Holwerda lives at 6227 Patagonia Dr. SE Grand Rapids, MI 49546 and Keith Steensma lives at 2550 Martin St. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49507.

I did so many things with these two boys—vacations, school trips, semester in Spain, skiing, sports, college, etc. but get no sense of any emotional involvement from them . That was a problem even as we were growing up—these kids lacked emotional involvement in a lot of things.

It took a long time for Jack to develop relational abilities, especially with girls. He finally did—thank goodness,, and is married today, with one son, Charlie.

Keith never ever spoke to girls at school or anywhere else. He was rigid in that regard. I don’t know why. I lived with him in the dorms at Calvin for a year and in Spain for a semester and he never talked, except to me, once in a while.

And some of this has to do, I think , with the way his father controlled the “nest” emotionally—and his dad, Andy, was one of the most strict teachers at Millbrook Christian Junior High. We all had him for math—including my older sister and older brother.

The other Steensma kids seemed to have developed normally but Keith was always very quiet and reserved. Apparently, Andy left teaching after a while to fully develop his insurance company, which for many years they operated from their home. Now Steensma insurance has its own location on Kalamazoo Ave.

Jack & Keith held me back in terms of developing relations with girls. I had a series of relationships that never became committed, but whenever Jack & Keith were around they never contributed to the cause, socially.

They clammed up like chickens. And Keith always thought that getting married or having a girlfriend was a matter of getting “whipped” or defeated by a girl. He had a very antagonistic outlook about male-female relationships—assuming it was a matter of mastery of one over the other.

That to me, tells me his Biblical outlook was lacking. And sometimes that reflects back on the parents relationship. Not always. Whatever the case may be he did not hold a very fond view of marriage or relationships and as far as I know has not had any relationships in that regard.

Jack, on the other hand, grew up with about six or seven sisters and he was the youngest in the family—the only boy. He developed an interest in girls as time went by and finally, as noted, got married.

Good for him. Nonetheless, despite all the experiences I had with him –hunting, traveling, etc. I didn’t get an invitation to the wedding.

The Holwerda family has more pride than any family I know in Grand Rapids. They could be very standoffish, prudish, and supercilious, as well as racist.

Just driving around in Jack’s car was an experience growing up—talk about a clean car—this kid kept his car so clean that I had to shake my shoes off when getting in, lest a few pieces of grass or dirt get on the floor mat of his yellow sports car, and later a red Mustang.

He drove trucks for Steelcase for a few years after college—made a lot of money doing that but apparently hated it. During this time I was working at Pine Rest Hospital counseling kids—and he would come home so irritable (we lived in the same house together on Kalamazoo for a year—with Kevin Vredeveld and Dan Dekam).

Once I borrowed a shirt from his closet and he discovered it—and instead of asking me not to wear his shirts, he put up this notes in front of his closet—with all the four letter words you can think of—telling me in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want me borrowing his shirts. What a year that was!

Jack & Dan Dekam came to near blows once about something very minor. Jack just overreacted and actually threw a dart at Dan Dekam. And Kevin, meanwhile, couldn’t figure out he was going to do with his life. Apparently he had not done that well in college and wasn’t planning on going any further in academia.

For a little while I did sealcoating with him—applying a fresh coat of asphalt seal to driveways. At the end of the year I was going to law school , and I don’t know what my roommates were doing. I think that was when DJ took over the house—he moved in with some of his friends from RBC.

Next thing I knew Kevin got married to somebody who had been divorced. Jack eventually went back to school and got an accounting degree. He ended up moving into the house I lived in on Baltimore; and Dan married the Borgdorf girl (daughter of Peter Borgdorf who went to our church, 1^st CRC).

He had been working on his teaching degree that year and went on to teach and somebody said he was now a principal. Somewhere.

At that house on Kalamazoo Doug Kosters stopped by from time to time. His parents house was just around the corner. That’s when his depression apparently really started setting in—he talked to me about seeing somebody at Pine Rest—apparently as an outpatient.

And that’s when he first mentioned buying a shotgun—but I made no connection to what he was thinking about. Also Kim Kooiker came by the Kalamazoo house once—I dated her for a few months—a nice young lady (see attached picture)–with whom a relationship could have developed had I been stable enough to stay still.

During that same year my relationship with Barb Wiersma was ongoing. She wanted to get married and told me so—and I simply said wait, not no. But she took it as a rejection and that was the end of everything—all or nothing according to her terms at that moment.

Last time I saw her was in Costa Rica in 1991 when I volunteered for disaster relief and lo and behold she was teaching there ( I actually knew she was there but not exactly where, nor if I would see her). She was polite but definitely made sure she did not get involved with me again.

And so it goes—I came back from Costa Rica with the intention of going to seminary—and drove back to Grand Rapids—and enrolled in seminary for a quarter but got disillusioned and ended up back over at the college for another two years—1992 to 1994—getting another BA and a teaching degree.

From there I went west—stayed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming for two summers –and a new gal friend , Amy Jonkers, from Calvin College, came out to Jackson to visit. I

I had met her just before I left Calvin in May 1994—and hit it off with her. She was a nice GRCH girl but after he she had stayed at my aunts house for a few days before my aunt arrived I got a call from Aunt Martha saying “By the time I get there your female friend better be gone”.

Apparently, my cousin Todd, who was also staying there at the time had described the relationship as something other than it was—it was a potential romance, but Martha made it sound as if I picked up some girl at a bar and had her staying over at their house.

This was not “some girl”—it was a nice respectable girl from GRCH/Grand Rapids where Martha, herself, had gone to school. Nonetheless, I was not assertive enough at the time to either try to find a place to live on my own or tell Martha my feelings—and Amy ended up leaving and I was never able to resurrect the potential relationship.

This also tells you how chilling some of my relatives can be. I mentioned previously the look my Uncle Gary gave me when I was being a “Big Brother” to a little black boy ( by the name of Ren) and took him over to their neighborhood once and played with a bat and ball in an empty lot across from his house. As I said before it was not a comforting look.

And now I have a respectable gal from Calvin College visiting at my Aunt’s house in Jackson WY and she talks to me as if she (Amy) was something not desirable.

And while part of the problem is somebody like my Aunt Martha, another problem is what I call the “Rocky Mountain Barrier”. Ever since the move to California in 1984—any relationships with girls from Michigan or going to Calvin College have faltered, in part, because of my back-and-forth, at the time, lifestyle. I kept going back and forth from California to Michigan. The only potential relationship I had with somebody from west of the Rocky Mountains was Barb Wiersma (see attached photo) who grew up in Kalispell Montana. But that didn’t pan out either. I still write letters to her--and send them to her parents house in Kalispell (701 S. Meridian, Laispel, MT 59901); and actually drove by their big

And what really perplexes me or leaves me with a lot of dissonance still –to this day—is the broken relationship I had with Melissa Theule—or “Missy”.

Missy was my first real relationship—I was in high school at the time—we were in the same grade. She came from Ada Christian. I came from Millbrook Christian. Opposite sides of town. She was a musician—played violin.

Her dad runs a maple syrup operation in Ada—still today as far as I know. I can’t remember exactly how she and I met but we stayed with each other for a while and had some intimate moments but never went too far.

However, one evening after we had been out socially with friends from high school I drove her back to her parents house on Grand River Dr. and we sat across the road in my car alongside the train tracks for a little while before she said, “Why don’t you come in? “ It was about midnight. I said, “What?”

And she wanted me to come in to her basement bedroom with her parents upstairs sleeping. She said that if we were quiet enough they wouldn’t notice. I must not have been thinking very clearly because I consented and went tiptoeing inside her house at midnight down the stairs in the dark. We must have made enough noise to be heard.

Anyways, we were just goofing around in her basement bedroom for a few moments when suddenly Missy says “Shhhh” and hears the pitter-patter of her mom’s feet overhead. She thinks her mom is coming so she tells me to get under the bed. I obediently comply.

And moments later, lo and behold, there’s Missy’s mom, coming through the door. Missy sits up and says, ‘Hi mom, what’s the matter?” Mom doesn’t say anything to Missy but walks around the bed and the next thing you know she’s staring at me under the bed. ‘GET UP” she hissed. And then, “GET OUT !”

I was glad to get out—and took off. It was a very humiliating moment in my life. In fact it must have been humiliating to her as well; because we never really talked again, after that—for many months, and then years. I don’t know if it was her not talking to me or me not talking to her, but it was like the unspoken end of our relationship. And I managed to sublimate my thoughts about it for a long time—with school and sports and then college, etc.

She went on to Western Michigan University if I recall correctly and I went to Calvin College. We didn’t see each other for many years. And I developed new friendships and relationships –but nothing lasted. So I’m back in Grand Rapids one day—can’t remember the exact date or even year now—and Jack Holwerda invites me to go get a bite to eat somewhere and tells me Missy Theule wants to see me.

This must have been during the time I was at Calvin from 1992-94—or at least post 1989—after I graduated from Calvin College the first time. Missy apparently was working at a retail store at Woodland Mall and we went and picked her up at the store.

I don’t know how Jack had gotten in touch with her or she with him; but apparently Missy was just about ready to get married. However, as best as I can tell, in retrospect, she wanted to make sure there was nothing left between us.

The only problem is that by this time in my life with all the stops and starts I made and new directions—I barely know which way is up anymore.

If there was something left between us—I wouldn’t have known it because I was not completely with it for a while—other than going through the motions and taking care of making ends meet. I was not keeping tabs on my progress and my inner self as I do today with my writing and journaling. I was just surviving . And Grand Rapids was becoming less and less of a significant spiritual oasis for me.

Nonetheless, we went over to TGI Fridays—I think it was—and the three of us sat down and socialized; and the entire conversation is a blank to me except for one moment when she said, “If I had a choice I wouldn’t marry him.”

And I’m sitting there like a numbskull not even realizing what she is trying to say. That’s how dense I was at the time. I just stare at her blankly. I’m not even thinking about the “under the bed” moment of many years ago.

And some of this also tells you how emotionally dead I had become after a while, probably due to academia. This was a beautiful young girl with whom I had shared intimate moments and she’s telling me that if I’m interested, she’s still available, despite being engaged. But by that time I had lost my spiritual moorings in Grand Rapids and was just surviving. I had no spiritual anchor in Grand Rapids anymore. I wonder if I could have maintained a relationship with her at that point.

Now that I have become a little more anchored where I am now—I still think about her and drop a card to her from time to time despite knowing she is married—whether happily or not I’m not sure.

She lives in Muskegon now—a big beautiful house—which they apparently just moved out of. I went by there two years ago when I passed through Michigan on my summer tour of the USA. IF you want to write to her and let her know I care for her VERY MUCH she (or they) apparently now live at 1365 E. Shorewood Dr. Muskegon, MI 49441-5298.

I don’t know if she has children or what—or how she’s doing, but she’s in my thoughts and in my prayers. I’ve wondered a few times if real love should try to get back together even if it means breaking up a marriage—but I’ve stopped short of it—maybe being too fair to him.

But if he truly loves her and is taking care of her maybe it would be wrong of me to try to get her back; assuming she’s even the slight bit interested anymore. She doesn’t write back and doesn’t lead me on in anyway. So maybe it should stay the way it is—spiritual care—to be reunited in heaven. God bless you Missy. I really care for you. Always have, always will. Why God wanted me to be so dense when we got together back then I do not know.

Finally, I’m upset with the Korf family in Grand Rapids. Lisa Korf was in our class of ’85 and was the class queen; and her dad was and still is a professor at Calvin College. She was the oldest in their family and went on to Calvin College.

During high school she “twirped” me—which means a girl asks a guy for a date. I don’t know why they call it getting “twirped” but it doesn’t sound very endearing. Maybe because the guy is a twirp if he doesn't take the initiative to ask the girl out.

Anyways, she asked me out and I agreed and we went out for the evening. She was just too perfect for me—though—such a saint or so it seemed—maybe she wasn’t really that saintly at all, I don’t know. But nothing developed. She later got involved with Jim Klunder, an athletic fellow one year older than us; and today she is married to him.

Anyways, during college while we were both in the dorms I decided to ask her out, I didn 't want to be a twirp forever—and called her up at her dorm and asked her out—but she declined.

I was disappointed—at least one date I would have thought would be appropriate given I had accepted her proposal in high school. I didn’t think too much more about her that year or that much during college –and didn’t see her that much. I saw her once at a social gathering and gave her a little peck on the cheek as I said goodbye. It was the only time I ever kissed her. She still seemed like a Barbie Doll.

Then she showed up at Doug’s funeral in 1990. I was impressed that she showed up—lots of classmates didn’t. That showed some character. And I thank DJ for allowing me to use his car that evening.

I had flown in from California for the funeral and they let me use their car for a little while. I can’t even remember where I slept that night? Did I stay at DJ’s house? Anyways I flew back out the next day and didn’t hear from Lisa Korf again after that.

A month or two later, Spring 1991, I went to Costa Rica and stayed there until August, 1991. Then I went back to Calvin—this time as I noted above I stayed at the seminary for a quarter and then went back over to the college for another BA degree—English/Education.

It was during this time that I was sitting in the coffee shop at Calvin College and I saw Rachel Korf come walking in. Rachel was Lisa’s younger sister. She was now an undergraduate at Calvin.

I had seen her a few times around the campus but she showed no recognition of me. Apparently, however, she did, in fact, know who I was. Because she came in to the coffee shop with her dad following her; and very subtly nodded with her head in my direction—apparently showing her dad who I was.

And they walked right back out again. It was very clever but also very telling and transparent. I noticed the whole thing. What the point of it was I do not know. But it did tip me off to the problem of social engineering in Grand Rapids, maybe even Calvin College.

And it tips me off to the problem of gossip. Gossip is the practice of social talk—not for the sake of truth or helping others but for one-upping one’s self even if it is at the expense of truth and the expense of others. It can happen in the best of places.

I walked by Rachel Korf again several times that semester at Calvin College but she continued to remain pan-faced or poker faced, pretending not to know who I was. And then I left Calvin for a while—was in Jackson WY for a while—and taught school for a while, and picked up on writing or journaling again—as I noted last week I completed a semi-fictional piece that I called “Joe Missionary/Joe Teacher” and copyrighted it with the Library of Congress and that led to other things which I’ll discuss later.

And in September 1996 after a trip to Africa earlier that summer I returned to Grand Rapids and Calvin Seminary to try seminary again—this time I stayed for a year and without any distractions; although DJ suddenly showed up again.

This time I saw DJ at RBC where I took Greek with Professor Bremer for a year. And then he also showed up at the seminary—he actually sat outside the classroom where I was taking a class with Professor Greenway at the time—how he knew where I was the time I do not know but he sat there and during the break came up to me to chat.

I was trying to concentrate on seminary. I told him I had to get back to the classroom and he left and I didn’t see too much of him anymore that year.

I kept telling him I had to concentrate on studying—it was do or die—in terms of Greek—if I didn’t pass it I didn’t move on through seminary. So I tuned everything else out.

I had a pager at the time and for the entire year DJ paged me once or twice a day—from the church where he worked –a Presbyterian church over on Breton Road. I finally wrote to him and said I just cannot socialize right now—for the entire year—I have to concentrate. The social setting of Grand Rapids had pulled me away from seminary the first time I was there in 1991.

I only stayed a year at Calvin Seminary (1996-97) and then transferred to Fuller Seminary, where I’ve been coming and going from ever since. And then I started communicating with DJ again, among others, –this time by e-mail as I was starting E-Church.

By the way during that year at Calvin Seminary I lived in a house on Ethel (441 Ethel , Grand Rapids, MI 49506), near Easttown. The house as owned by Gary DeWitt, a student at Calvin at the time, who was renting it out to students as well as living in it himself.

I lived there with Joel Bylsma (from Stockton, CA) and Abe Steen (from Holland,MI) and Joel LaGrand (from Grand Rapids) and also Jotham Ippel (Grand Rapids) as well as a few others.

(continued below)

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:42:27 GMT